You are almost six months old. It is almost Christmas. There is so much that I want you to know. That I want to remember. That I wish I could just hold in the palm of my hand and keep, forever. But the days keep passing and your milestones add up and suddenly the outfit that I wanted to take pictures of you in barely fits and you only wore it once or twice. My God.

I'll be 26 in a few days but I feel as though I've lived lifetimes. Maybe that's the way that new motherhood is supposed to feel. Like you've traveled a million miles in a thousand steps. When you were first born and so new in my arms I came across a quote about motherhood. "The days are long but the years are short." I didn't know how true it would be.

You are so busy now. You want to sit up all the time, you roll, you rock. Your hands have to be moving, reaching, pulling, exploring. You broke your first plate a few days ago at a Mexican restaurant with Grandpa O and Papa. I took my eyes off of you for one second. How beautiful and frightening at the same time. I am beginning see the first tiny signs of you growing up. It is beautiful and good, but I part of me is always saying, "Not too soon, love. Take your time."

These moments, I want to turn them over, look at them from every angle. Like every morning when you wake up, full of pure joy. You smile. They don't tell you that when you become a parent. That every day, your baby is going to wake up smiling. But you do.

The most important thing I've learned so far? To listen to you. To find ways to understand you. To watch your cues and pick up on what you need. This month, you've needed plenty of time to explore. Your curiosity is so exciting to watch because everything is a new experience. It's all a first. Your first time meeting Santa, your first time playing with blocks, your first time snatching off a corner of wrapping paper and eating it. (Whoops!) You are no longer a newborn. You're changing. And it is good. But you will have so much time to grow up. To be away from your Papa and I. This time as an infant is so fleeting. So I hold you, I nurse you, I wear you in a sling close to my heart every day. Every morning when you wake up, I give you a back rub. I kiss your smiling face.

You stretchy-stretch yourself out and look out the windows at the trees. You love trees! It's funny that I can say that about you. We are beginning to know so much about you now. "She's a real person!" your Papa and I say to each other all the time. And you are. You look good in green.  You love hairbrushes. Your favorite toy is the "Bebe Feliz" board book that I got for free from the hospital.Who knew? You love baths and kitties. You babble to the kitty and love to stroke her fur. We are teaching you to be gentle with her and amazingly you are! You're not so sure about the shower yet, but girl, you're interested.

Today was your first time sitting in a high chair. We went out Christmas shopping and stopped in to a casual spot in Pacific Grove for a quick bite. You were standing on my lap, reaching for the salt shakers and my plate. The owner asked if we wanted a high chair. My first thought was that I didn't have a cover for it, but we said yes anyways. I told Tal to take a picture of you sitting up there like a big girl. We were proud of you and you smiled. You reached for the tablecloth, babbled and flirted with the other diners. But after five minutes or so, you leaned back in your seat. You were done sitting up by yourself. And that is ok. If you want to know the truth my lap felt empty without you in it. Take your time, love.

I love you always,

Mama